His Hospital Bed

He looked up from his bed,

I still could not believe he doesn't see me,

Staring down into his snowflake head,

Half a century and he still could not see,

He's been blind  for a while even to mornings,

And the world became a trail of strange voices,

With fake reassurance and unfair warnings,

Such distant dull drowned up noises,

He's a manifestation of what has been,

Oh, if he only knew how I loved him,

How I love him still with a force unseen,

It's too late, I'm afraid, the chances are slim

Fifty years I have tried to save his tears,

As he drained his soul of all the light,

Thinking the darkness might quench his fear

How tormenting it is to be your lover's blight.

One night I followed him on the street,

As he walked into our town's graveyard,

On his right there was love, on his left defeat,

His tears fell on my grave heavy and hard,

And I closed my eyes and tasted them,

Bitter- love, what happened to your soul?

If I could just reach out one more time to him,

I could tell him there's no reason to grieve at all,

And now he's gone into oblivion on his bed,

Not only paralyzed but frozen,

And dust smells of everything he's said,

No one comprehends the path he's chosen,

No one had seen the memories he paints,

Or knows the names he so passionately mentions,

All his youth joyous and proud in time faints,

His dry veins are sinews death pulls into tension,

I hear his soul all the way up here,

I see the pride leaving his inner eye,

I can feel his breath drawing near,

Now I hear our daughter's worried cry,

And all the places of his life collapse

Into his mind's universe closing black-hole,

All into a silent prayer echoing, that perhaps

The merciful God can save his sinful soul,

The white coats float in and out of his space,

If he was able to move he would push them away,

He doesn't need saving, can't you see it on his face,

He just needs one last transparent moment to pray.

His heart in my chest quickens one last time,

And I close my eyes and laugh aloud,

It fills the heavens and the angels chime,

Prepare for his soul coming on the next cloud,

The doctors left, my daughter's cry got louder

Now it's her turn to stand strong on her own,

It's time for her to make us even prouder,

It's time to set up another tombstone,

Then I carried him in my arms, cold and dead,

I carried him through the roads of heaven,

My fellow lovers cheered like we're newly wed,

Through to the lake where immortality is given,

And there stood our chapel of pearl white,

And there I knelt at the banks of the lake,

Drenched his soul in and it shone out bright

Love, I've waited long for this moment's sake.

Your eyes open and you rise brighter than a sun,

Like you never knew darkness, you were never blind,

Your arms move wildly, your feet, they run,

Like all your frozen years were only in your mind,

And you pull me in an embrace unbound by time,

Your wet hair dripping silver on my shoulder,

And all our memories, and all my rhymes

Are resurrected, a promise we'll never get older,

And for one last time at the beginning of eternity,

We see death- the death of all bitterness and hate,

Drowning at the feet of our heightened humanity,

Killed by the kiss of my soul mate.

In Theory.

Have you ever lived in theory?

Laughed and cried and screamed in theory?

Have you ever walked with the dead

And felt they were still livelier instead,

You stopped relishing in black and white altogether,

And vowed hatred to the loathsome grey forever,

Have you ever jumped in a hypothetical river?

And have an imaginary wind ever made you shiver?

Have you loved God on the surface of your mind

Then banished your soul of fear of what you may find,

Have you visited the tall trees in heaven and hell,

Ran to them for safety but on your face you fell,

Have you ever reached for passion in theory?

Set fire to your soul and freeze in theory?

Were you held up high and run down on roads eerie

All because you believed in the fading trails

of dreams and multiverses and fairy tales,

And you blame the world for not rising to expectation,

End the nonsense, for god's sake, find yourself a nation,

You can't be a country all on your own

And If it's not in the books, it'll break you to the bone,

But who's to say I have bones anyway?

If you throw me and bend me and I rise again anyway,

And who's to say that my faith is essentially real,

And who are you to tell me how I'm supposed to feel,

For who I am -And who you are- is theoretical,

And the philosophy we stand for borders on heretical,

So if I look out and find the world to be arbitrary,

A set of modifiable formulas and their contrary,

And if I decide to calculate the depth of my soul,

Subtract the addictions and add to the fall,

And if I divide my life over my death

Then multiply by the number of wasted breath,

Will I find an answer to my existence?

Or just another question with a nagging persistence?

And if I trust in theory and lust in theory,

If I fly in theory and I drown in theory,

If I dance to all the melodies, all in the static,

And If I believe in science but also believe in magic,

If I stretch too thin and fight too weary,

All in a rotting spot so foul and dreary,

And If I truly just exist in theory,

Obsess, suppress, depress and stress in theory,

Who can ever realize me into being,

If in theory, All but reality is freeing.

Cold Mornings Are Better Than No Mornings At All

Cold mornings are better than no mornings at all,

So further in from any dawn of the soul,

Have you ever tried to live in black orbs?

Entrapped in the vast land of your empty corpse

There, reality becomes a set of arbitrary rules,

With your jobs, hospitals, stores and schools,

Enforced to keep an illusion of being alive,

Designed especially for you to survive,

But survival is an instinct you buried deep

When you first felt the darkness creep

And the universe revealed its angry face

Inside you and it settled in its place,

Then it started mutating and multiplying

And you found no alternative to bluntly lying

To convince the mornings to come anew

Tell them they haven't completely lost you,

But nights aren't dead, they're more like dying,

Heart quickly sinking and soul slowly flying,

All the crying and the laughter of your loved ones,

Does nothing for you to pull up the deceased suns

The cradle is empty, the grave is empty as well,

And you have an entire life that you need to sell,

Its your purpose that justifies all your sins,

So you plea to god for just one last win,

Sell your life, sell your soul, sell it for odes,

The night has already fallen on all the roads,

So walk all you want, the night is the night,

And kick all you want, and fight the good fight

Fight with your honor and lose it in a toss,

Dream frantically of your next great loss,

And water your chains, bring forth the rust,

I'll get stabbed in the front if its all about trust,

I'll lay my neck down for you if you promise,

That your blade will follow through and never miss,

You see, my poetry is broken and it's all the same,

Say the night, obsession, death and your name,

Say the pain and the chain and a kiss goodnight

The storms of cold and lava streaming bright,

And I still live in a black orb that I built,

While the sun is tired of living in guilt

That it cant warm me anymore, so it left,

And my heart has carried a lute bereft,

And played dirges down every street,

A Pied Piper with quick jolly feet,

Leading all my ghosts around my town,

Taking them to the bloody river to drown,

Taking all the time he needs with me,

Do whatever you want but don't set me free,

I can still make more ghosts to love here,

And if my guilt dries up there's always fear,

So don't you worry about me going sane,

There's no salvation for those who love pain,

As long as the chains dangle from the trees,

And my heart quickens and I fall to my knees,

My will flees and takes with it the light,

And I can't sleep without my ghosts overnight,

And lustrous moons become where I rise to fall,

So cold mornings are better than no mornings at all.

50's housewife

Is your poison alright, honey?

I made it specially for you,

I sure it'll worth all your money,

But i'll give it to you for free so

I guarantee there's no stopping

After you take your first mouthful,

So do you want more poison topping?

No worries love you'll never run full.

Can you taste the sweet flavor of pain,

With a hint of fear on the side?

I know the rasp regret doesn't wane,

And goes nicely with the torture inside.

I poured love into it, sealed it with kisses,

To infect your heart with my heated breath

Break your ribs too as it never misses,

Don't you always just love to feel my death,

Don't you enjoy delicious painful twists,

Of your own most favorite medicine,

Your limbs will tense and your head rests,

Your heart will submit to my every sin.

My every whim, your holding string,

Drink more love for there's plenty to go,

Ghosts in your eyes will dance and sing,

But you'll bow at the end of the show

For me, this is finger licking good,

And you'll enjoy every bit of that taste,

Bitter on your lips and throat where it should

Linger forever and never go to waste.

My poison is passionate and new,

And has a hypnotizing effect,

Strong on the will and endured by few,

Masterfully concocted to be perfect.

Sonnet III: Best Nightmare of My Life

It was the best nightmare of my whole life,

He crept from behind and covered my mouth,

And against my neck veins he held his sharp knife,

I felt my voice fleeting and heart sinking south,

He burned my home down and left me in ashes,

He kissed my lips and cut them with his teeth,

His serpentine legs pin me, his tongue smashes,

His chest wraps my heart in protecting sheath,

I had no will to scream, no will at all,

I was in a state of sleep within sleep,

And he was real in every realm I fall,

He was the secret that I vowed to keep,

And still I love him with each fading breath,

For the best nightmare of my life is death.

Why Did They Leave You Alive?

That dark day when the demons kidnapped you,

To your mind, Why did they leave you alive?

When all seven came for you, you unaware

Up until you stood with all your limbs bare

Before the devil himself, staring down at you,

Why do you think he let you survive?

The snort the demons gave throwing you out,

More humiliating than death itself,

How many nights you've secretly mused on it,

Drunk on your pain, they bite you and they spit,

You don't have to admit it to me, I'm not in doubt,

The truth of your solitary nights only matters to yourself.

Did they let you go because you're strong?

Or you're weak? Too brutal or too meek?

The devil has a plan for your mortal spiraling soul,

He left it for another kind of slowly controlled fall,

Don't flirt with the thought of freedom for you don't belong,

Of the land of freemen you shall never speak.

Pull on the string and then another string,

Don't they feel good around your neck veins,

Enjoy the torture, it's why you were left alive,

Enjoy how on your suffocation the devil will thrive,

Smile for the gentleman and accept what he'll bring,

For he's the one holding the keys to your chains.

And that dark day the demons kidnapped you,

They did not want to keep you alive,

Because all the seven did not really care,

But with you exposed only the devil could dare,

To see himself when he stared down at you,

So he hung your soul on the wall and let you survive.

Ruby

I still remember that night long ago,

A Ruby came to me in my sleep- When,

I was closer to death than life- As though

It represented my odd heart back then.

I woke up to make sure it's still beating,

Terrified that it had fully hardened,

That the scarlet of my blood is fleeting,

Then none of my sins would ever be pardoned.

For my hands are cold and my feet are cold,

And like the Jewel everything did shine,

They had no life of their own, though they're old

Their shallow passions dare not cross a line.

With a jacket to shield my solid heart,

It's as good a night for a stroll as any,

I stop at the bridge, the river takes part,

musing my monochromatic desires many.

Desires might have once given me my blood,

But now it has also given me disease,

No more do I let the Ebbs of the flood

Wash over my heart simply as they please.

Foot by foot I climbed the rusty railing,

If floods won't come then to them I shall go,

I'll exchange drowning for my safe sailing,

If it will warm me with the overflow.

The cold of the water pierces my skin,

Unable to reach my precious jewel,

My lungs fill with water as I breathe in,

I hope this torment means that all is well.

My breath seizes first and then my senses,

One by one replaced by numbing pleasure,

As death's grip around my neck tenses,

And it's time to reveal my hidden treasure.

The Ruby rays invade the river's dark,

A scarlet Sun from a distant universe,

I sink deeper it lessens not the spark,

Death was the only way to break my curse.

From that night on, the Ruby's pulsating

Whenever it visits in my sleep,

It speaks to me in colors competing,

And the river is my secret to keep.