My Letter To You...

I wrote this today because I wanted to explain to you why I love you, though I know you will never read this and I know you will never feel it...This is one of the days when I have to express it to the air, maybe the universe would have something to say about it...
I love you because you are decent, funny, smart and sweet still you also have this bad boy evil side to you that speaks to the bad girl inside me, but you still respect me and you still listen to me even when what I'm saying is just crazy talk.. i love you because you get mad when i say i dont feel good enough for the world and you start saying that im enough just because im me.. i love you because when i say im adorable jokingly, you say that its true because you know that i forget it sometimes.. i love you because you call me that special name and it makes me feel warm inside.. i love you because you would rather be my friend and keep me longer rather than touching me one time.. i love you because when i get mad at you, you listen to all what i have to say and then absorb my stupid anger.. and for telling me im a crazy person then saying you'll never leave me.. i love you because you don't lie to me and because you keep your word... i love you because you love everyone and you care about your friends so much, even the ones not that close to you.. i love you because you love your family and you love helping them even if it means less time for ur self doing the things you love,it kinda makes me wanna be your family too.. i love you because you feel guilty when you do something wrong and you never think its too late to turn back.. i love that when you're hungry or sleepy you are so dysfunctional and when you're uncomfortable you start criticizing little things and i find that adorable like a little boy.. i love how you never believe me when i say im fine and keep asking me what im hiding and i love how you can always tell when im hiding something because I always need this little push... i love it when you smile because of me and when you cry because of me and how you fought for me... and i love it when you act like a little boy and leech to me like your mother... i love that you would do everything just so we'd stay friends and not risk that... and that even when it gets complicated you manage to simplify the terms to honesty and trust... i love it when you tell me a secret or when you ask me to tell you one cuz that's when i feel really close to your soul... i love you because of the passion i know you have but you'd never show... i love you because you make me feel safe and because you make me wanna be happy and make others happy... i love you because i can always be vulnerable with you and because I can talk to you about anything without being judged and I love you because you always make me laugh... i love you because no one can understand me better, and because no one can handle me better...I love you even if you don't know it and even if you'll never see it, or see me in that particular place in your heart saved for ''the one''... i can keep writing more reasons but it would not explain why I love you still... 

The Monster and I

There’s an open grave in my backyard,

From which monsters and zombies emerge,

Strolling past every wall I build and every guard,

To sleep in my home’s corners, in every dream, every urge,

Be it innocent, sweet, sour or wild,

I have no reasons to open my eyes when they

Come howling, I know their voices like a child

Knows his mother’s lullaby at the end of the day,

No more do I open my eyes to anything

Even when I know the room is flooding with light

Warm and divine, I know exactly what the birds will sing

About hope bringing traces of morning into my night,

But I know the colors will just burn my eyes

Shut again, so I listen for your steps solid

Walking into the room with unmistakable confidence fluid,

I will not make a sound; I will not make a move,

I’ll wait for you to carry me to the floor

And tighten every last chain after you remove

Every mechanism that ever kept you from my core,

I feel your breath spreading over my skin as cold

As death piercing its way to my hollowed heart,

As you stroke my hair with your fingers of gold,

And sing me a dirge that hurts from the very start,

‘’Hush, child of unheard passion and untold sin,

Hush your wretched soul and open your eyes never,

Hurt not from the metal’s pressure against your skin,

It’s dead nature will kill your soul’s quiver’’

Don’t I know you? I’ve listened to you before,

All your songs, your screams, the faith of your soul,

You’re my favorite monster that would spare no door

Unbroken just to watch me fall.

Have we never been safer here,

In my night that never ends?

Have we never burned a tear

In honor of being such loyal friends?

Have you not rejoiced in the twist

Of my waist and untrimmed mind,

And we tried for a million times to resist

The room where lightning bolts entwined?

Have I not drank poison from your palms

And begged you for some more

To bring the high waves when the calm

Is killing me slowly with its lazy roar?

Yes, it was always you, I recognize you,

The metal, the chill, your steady voice, the thrill

That fills in the corners of my blurring view

And saves me from the still night’s kill,

Now, though I can not see you with my eyes closed,

I know you’re sitting in the corner waiting

As my body in its chains so vulnerable and exposed

Twists relentlessly in the waves of pain I’m creating,

I can feel you deeply inhaling,

And taking in the smell of my burning,

Beating heart moaning in its cage and slowly failing,

As you sip on the pleasure of my yearning,

Isn’t this the dance we’re dancing now?

You walk in uninvited but surely knowing

That the moment you enter I will kneel down and bow,

Despair taking the wheel even though pride’s showing,

Shyly it peaks behind the clouds, a bird

That in a few short moments will fly away

Never again to be seen or heard

Of until the breaking of a new meeker day,

So here I am, eyes closed, limbs spread, skin bared,

And chains locked with their keys nowhere to be found,

Waiting for the mutilating exorcism, word by sharpened word,

That will finally drive away the obsession with your sound,

And if it should fail and you should keep

Lurking in corners where I can not reach

And haunting every dream waking and asleep,

Then I should accept my fate and then beseech

To the rotten effigy in the temples of lust

Where black-eyed nuns drinking from the lakes of oblivion,

Will pour tears in my eyes to unlock it, then thrust

A dagger through my heart to end your dominion,

I would shake vigorously in my shackles and make a sound,

Aimed to drown yours but you’ll never disappear,

For the grave that you came from in the ground

Is still open wide to grant the world my every fear,

And maybe be in time when you finally taste my blood sweet

On your curved lips, sliding down your throat,

You’ll walk around carrying my rigid body on the street,

And screaming at the top of your lungs the poems I wrote,

You’ll tell the world the story of you and I,

How we were always wrong and always right,

How our worlds collided but we never asked why

Our spark of light never took flight,

You’ll preach to the air how I was your friend

And how your finger prints are all over my soul

And like grey afternoon in a summer, up until the end

How our eyes mocked our existence with walls of coal.

Unlaced

Warm arms in the cold of winter

Snuck from the heart of darkness to surround me,

The pen dies in the moment you enter

To make way for all the poems to be,

They say all warmness comes surely with a smile,

Well, it’s not untrue, but it has been a while

Since the devil had felt warm and smiled not kindly,

But cunningly as the fire wraps me gently,

And then your heart was pounding against mine

As you said ‘’let me take you beyond that line

Of sanity and care

and consequences unfair’’

Love, your logic is flawed but not your heart,

No, your heart is well set to play its part

In the theatre of my willful submission,

This is not the time for curtseys and permissions,

Unlace me, cut every cord and every wire

That has kept me away from your desire,

Tonight I am not a poet, there will be no rhyme,

No schemes or sighs, there’ll be no death and no time

Tonight I’m just a girl looking upon the cold dawn

Of womanhood from the warmth of a man drawn,

Say no more prayers, plea on your knees no more,

The air can hear you, and I want to be the only one

To hear your passion, love, riding high with the sun,

After all, isn’t that what we’re here for?