Sonnet III: Best Nightmare of My Life

It was the best nightmare of my whole life,

He crept from behind and covered my mouth,

And against my neck veins he held his sharp knife,

I felt my voice fleeting and heart sinking south,

He burned my home down and left me in ashes,

He kissed my lips and cut them with his teeth,

His serpentine legs pin me, his tongue smashes,

His chest wraps my heart in protecting sheath,

I had no will to scream, no will at all,

I was in a state of sleep within sleep,

And he was real in every realm I fall,

He was the secret that I vowed to keep,

And still I love him with each fading breath,

For the best nightmare of my life is death.

Why Did They Leave You Alive?

That dark day when the demons kidnapped you,

To your mind, Why did they leave you alive?

When all seven came for you, you unaware

Up until you stood with all your limbs bare

Before the devil himself, staring down at you,

Why do you think he let you survive?

The snort the demons gave throwing you out,

More humiliating than death itself,

How many nights you've secretly mused on it,

Drunk on your pain, they bite you and they spit,

You don't have to admit it to me, I'm not in doubt,

The truth of your solitary nights only matters to yourself.

Did they let you go because you're strong?

Or you're weak? Too brutal or too meek?

The devil has a plan for your mortal spiraling soul,

He left it for another kind of slowly controlled fall,

Don't flirt with the thought of freedom for you don't belong,

Of the land of freemen you shall never speak.

Pull on the string and then another string,

Don't they feel good around your neck veins,

Enjoy the torture, it's why you were left alive,

Enjoy how on your suffocation the devil will thrive,

Smile for the gentleman and accept what he'll bring,

For he's the one holding the keys to your chains.

And that dark day the demons kidnapped you,

They did not want to keep you alive,

Because all the seven did not really care,

But with you exposed only the devil could dare,

To see himself when he stared down at you,

So he hung your soul on the wall and let you survive.

Ruby

I still remember that night long ago,

A Ruby came to me in my sleep- When,

I was closer to death than life- As though

It represented my odd heart back then.

I woke up to make sure it's still beating,

Terrified that it had fully hardened,

That the scarlet of my blood is fleeting,

Then none of my sins would ever be pardoned.

For my hands are cold and my feet are cold,

And like the Jewel everything did shine,

They had no life of their own, though they're old

Their shallow passions dare not cross a line.

With a jacket to shield my solid heart,

It's as good a night for a stroll as any,

I stop at the bridge, the river takes part,

musing my monochromatic desires many.

Desires might have once given me my blood,

But now it has also given me disease,

No more do I let the Ebbs of the flood

Wash over my heart simply as they please.

Foot by foot I climbed the rusty railing,

If floods won't come then to them I shall go,

I'll exchange drowning for my safe sailing,

If it will warm me with the overflow.

The cold of the water pierces my skin,

Unable to reach my precious jewel,

My lungs fill with water as I breathe in,

I hope this torment means that all is well.

My breath seizes first and then my senses,

One by one replaced by numbing pleasure,

As death's grip around my neck tenses,

And it's time to reveal my hidden treasure.

The Ruby rays invade the river's dark,

A scarlet Sun from a distant universe,

I sink deeper it lessens not the spark,

Death was the only way to break my curse.

From that night on, the Ruby's pulsating

Whenever it visits in my sleep,

It speaks to me in colors competing,

And the river is my secret to keep.

Safe!

Today I revisited my past and I looked at all the things I've been rejected and brought to my knees for, on all the things I've believed or been made to believe are wrong with me, what I have been made to feel inferior and worthless for.
For the first time ever, they made me smile because now I have closure to all of them. I heard the sound of your voice ringing in my ear saying that you love me and it forgives all those tasteless years and wraps a warm blanket around my cold feet... I don't have to worry about those insecurities anymore, because time after time you've kissed them goodbye, and I get to sleep with the taste of your lips and without any of them. Now I realize, I haven't cried myself to sleep since you came into my life.
You, my love, make me thank God for all the suffering on my path that he sent you to heal and you make me thankful for the healing and the scars. I'm proud of the scars and I'm more proud that they will always be a reminder of what I've been through to get to you.
I shouldn't feel worried or scared of being unloved anymore, of being misunderstood and taken for granted, or even afraid I'd grow old and die alone and with bitterness in my heart where should have been love. Because your voice will always be in my ears, my eyes looking into yours and our hands glued together for this life and all lives to come... All because you saw me, all because of the love we no longer know how to survive without, the love that makes every other dream become secondary to it.